Once a Day, I Love You
by december.s-flower
Summary: Full summary inside. Thank you.
1. Day 1

**Suffering the loss of his commander and his love, Kaidan Alenko starts a journal to keep himself sane. Everyday, he promised himself to write a new entry, to write down a single memory they shared together. The galaxy may have given up on her, but he hasn't. From Shepard's death to their first meeting on Horizon.**

**A/N: This is a side project from my main story. Therefore, the entries will be short and only one entry per chapter. I've been playing around with this idea for some time so I hope you guys enjoy it. Rated T for possible language in the future and references to their night together.**

* * *

_May 17, 2183; 18:46_

We've all been sitting here, waiting. Hoping for good news. The loss of the Normandy was devastating. The loss of our commander even more so. They retrieved Joker not too long ago, but he's not saying anything. What I wouldn't do to hear that she's alive. They told us the chances of her survival are slim. The Normandy was torn to shreds. But I refuse to believe them. I won't. Shepard faced a whole geth army head on, took down Saren, saved the Council. She can't be dead. The Alliance sent out a search party not too long ago. I hope to God they find her.

-K.A.


	2. Day 2

_May 18, 2183; 13:32_

Woke up today thinking I was back on the Normandy. Then remembered that I was in an Alliance military camp. Remembered everything. Waking up to reality. Had a dream about Shepard. My whole body aches. Going back to bed.

_May 18, 2183; 15:53_

She's dead. They just told us. Said she must have burned up in the atmosphere. Impossible! Joker finally said he saw her get spaced. Said her suit air supply ruptured in the second attack. I never wanted to hurt someone so bad as I did today. If it wasn't for him, Shepard would still be alive. But now she's dead, leaving me hollow. Going to get a drink.

-K.A.


	3. Day 5

**A/N: I was bored in Anthropology today so as a result, I give you two entries ^^**

* * *

_May 21, 2183; 11:16_

Lauer pulled me out of a ditch yesterday. Said I've been drinking nonstop. I don't remember. My head is splitting.

Shepard.

Why did you have to go and die like that? I don't want to think right now. I don't want to remember. Ever. Anderson is here. Probably to ask questions. I'm not getting involved. They can all go to hell. Taking some meds and hiding.


	4. Day 6

_May 22, 2183; 19:16_

Waited for Shepard to show up for dinner. She never did. Everyone keeps telling me she's dead, but I don't believe them. I saw her just a few days ago. She was fine. No one goes from fine to dead just like that. Not in this day and age. I'll keep waiting.

Dr. Chakwas came to talk to me today. Kept asking me if I was okay. Why wouldn't I be? She gave me some pills to take to help me sleep. But I won't take them. I don't need them. Shepard will return, I just know it.

-K.A.


	5. Day 7

_May 23, 2183; 13:27_

Had a dream last night about Shepard. It was about some mission we went on together. She had nearly died. I felt like someone pulled my heart out. I miss her. But I know I can keep her alive in my mind, in my memory. I will write them down and maybe when she returns, one day I know she will, I will show them to her.

Until then, I will wait. I owe her that much.

-K.A.


	6. Day 8

_May 24, 2183; 19:43_

Dr. Chakwas handed me a list of stages that I'm supposed to go through when a loss of a loved one occurs. Why is everyone expecting me to fall to pieces? I don't deny that I miss Shepard. I don't deny that I love her, either. Her death tore me up, yes. But how is everyone reminding me of it every waking hour supposed to help me get over it? It makes me mad. I got into a fight with Jenkins during lunch today because he said something stupid. As a result, Anderson told me to go take a vacation. Like hell I will. Shepard didn't die so I can go sun myself on some beach. And anyway, who knows if she's really dead? It would take a miracle to kill a woman of her strength. A miracle no one should be capable of.

Taking all those shots from millions of geth we fought? Her death seems impossible. I remember the first time we ever met. She strolled into the Normandy right behind Anderson, confident and cool like nothing could touch her. I never for a moment thought that one day she would mean so much to me. She herself barely even looked at me. And her name, so fitting. Shepard. Keeping her flock of sheep safe. She is a force to be reckoned with.

-K.A.


End file.
